Sarah

I just don't know where to start. It has been a sad week for so many people. I know the whole town is in shock but it's hitting our little school especially hard. Sarah Parks, third grade teacher at the Moscow Charter School, died on Wednesday morning. Her body was found burned inside her apartment. Her husband, Silas, was at the gym working out. There was an autopsy and it was determined that Sarah was dead before the fire so the death is being investigated as a homicide. As if this isn't sad enough, Sarah was 20 weeks pregnant with her first baby. Now here's the kicker: she was abused by her husband. We don't know all of the details yet, but there has been at least one citation for domestic abuse in the past and there are records on file at the hospital concerning injuries to Sarah stemming from a domestic incident. According to some of the other teachers, her husband beat her up pretty badly a couple of years ago and the abuse has been ongoing ever since. This all came out after her death but, apparently it was common knowledge amongst her coworkers and a few people weren't surprised to hear that the death was suspicious. As of this moment, Silas has been questioned and released and there are no suspects in the case.

Sarah was a very quiet, sweet person. She was Travis's teacher the year before last and, though she wasn't his favorite teacher, she was kind and always had a smile. She was always smiling. She was from Texas, collected pigs and was so excited to be having a baby. The last time I saw her was at one of the baseball games about a month ago. Several of the kids on both teams were Charter School kids and a few of the teachers made it out to cheer them on. I had just heard that Sarah was pregnant and I stopped and said hi to her and asked when she was due. She told me October and she was just glowing. I felt that particular kind of happiness you feel for someone about to embark on the Motherhood journey and wished her well. It tears me up to think about it now, how happy she looked.

Telling my kids was so difficult. I haven't had to do this sort of thing before and I wasn't prepared. I had just gotten off the phone after hearing the news and was in shock myself. and very upset. Travis came in at that moment and saw me crying. He asked what was wrong and I put my arms around him and said, "I have some sad, sad news to tell you. Mrs. Parks died." I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. He hugged me hard but didn't say anything. I told him there was a fire and we didn't know the details yet. I asked if he was okay and he nodded and asked if I was okay. That was all. I could sense the wheels turning and so I just let him go. Later that evening Val was at a softball game and the kids and I were watching a movie. There was nothing on so I went to On Demand and found an old movie with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball called "Yours, Mine and Ours". I figured it was safe-comedy, 1968, PG. No problem. Well, there was a scene where Henry and Lucille are in their room on their wedding night. They toast each other with champagne and then embrace. Travis, out of the blue, says, "Oh man, now they're gonna have sex!" Of course he knows what this means (in ten-year-old terms, anyway) so I just let the comment pass. Riley looked up at me and said, "Mom? What's sex?" Are you kidding me? Now? We have to do this now? I have been prepared for the junior version of the sex talk for some time now. I have books and everything. But at 9:00 at night, after a long, emotional day, I was nowhere in the mood to have this particular conversation. So I crapped out. I said, "Ri, we will talk about this tomorrow. I have a book we can look at. Let's talk about it tomorrow, okay?" She agreed but ten minutes later she got up and went to the book shelf and pulled out the book and brought it over to me, saying, "Mom? Is this the book you were talking about?" So we had The Talk. I let the book do most of the work and it actually went really well. She didn't seem uncomfortable or anything and asked some really good questions. We got to the part about babies being born and Travis. all of a sudden, said,"Riley? Did you know that Mrs. Parks died?" Riley looked at me, eyes huge. "Mrs. Parks? Did she mom?" I said yes, she did. She wanted to know how and I told her that there was a fire in her house and she died. I hadn't even been sure that she knew who Sarah was. But she immediately started crying and I realized, of ourse she knew her. It's a tiny school and there are only 8 teachers and all of them share playground and lunchroom duty. Then Travis dropped the bomb. "Mrs. Parks was going to have a baby." Riley cried even harder. She grieved as hard as a little six year old girl could be expected to. I held her and answered her questions. "Were there any animals in the house? Did they die too?" I said I didn't know. Travis, helpfully this time, said, "I bet she had a doggie door so they could have gotten out!" That seemed to help. After a bit, she stopped crying and was distracted by a funny picture in the book. The next morning, she asked for paper and markers to draw a picture for Mrs. Parks. "BIG paper, because I have a lot to put in there!" Her picture is of a tall house being attacked by a giant, spiky fireball. There are stars in the night sky and, in one window, there is a figure lying prone. She explained that this is Mrs. Parks in bed and her husband is in another window. After the picture, she seemed okay. It really helped her to get it all down on paper. She keeps asking me what to do with it and wants to give it to Mrs. Parks husband so he can give it to her at the hospital. "I know she can't see it, Mom, 'cause she can't open her eyes." God.

Travis, in the meantime, hasn't said much at all. He did ask me once why he wasn't crying. I think he felt that he should be and was disturbed by the fact that he wansn't. I told him that people grieve in different ways and that kids, in particular, don't really know how to process news like this. The day after we got the news, the police announced that it was now a homicide investigation. We took Travis aside and told him that it looked as though someone hurt Mrs. Parks before she died. He seemed a little more upset by this news. Of course, every time I talk about it I start crying and he wants to hug me or pat me or comfort me in some way. I know this is a lot for him, but we feel that he is old enough to hear it. In any case, it is a small town and an even smaller school. He will hear the news eventually and we would rather he heard it from us than on the street.

There was a meeting last night for parents at the Charter School to meet with counselors and to discuss how to talk to our kids about this. I felt really validated afterwards. I had already done all the things they said to do. Maybe I'm a better parent than I think? There will be a memorial service on Thursday. One of the parents, who is the school board chair, spoke and said that he has been in constant contact with both sides of the family and that both plan on being at the memorial service, including Silas. He reminded everyone that, as of now, Silas has not been charged with anything and is not considered to be a suspect in the case. It will be strange to see him there. I know everyone is thinking he did it, including me. I have a feeling, though, that there will be more developments between now and then. I hope so. I think we need to get a little closure. I can't imagine what Sarah's family are going through and how hard it will be to see him and his family. God, no one should ever have to go through this.